Balancing a love life inside the rest of your life can sometimes be more than you can handle. We live in a time when possibilities are endless, and our wants and wishes likewise as infinite.
Times have greatly changed over the past couple of decades. Now just about everyone has high hopes and aspirations. As wonderful as this is, there is — as there always is — a tradeoff.
The more time we spend pursuing our own personal goals and focusing on our own lives, the less time we have to focus on others. The possibilities are endless, and so are the limitations.
In theory, anything is possible, but we can’t possibly have and do it all. Our lives are limited and how we decide to spend what little time we do have is all that matters.
I understand the struggle of trying to date and trying to make it ahead in life. You get no more than 24 hours a day to eat, sleep, push ahead toward your dreams, maintain your person and, hopefully, find someone to love.
There are some people who always manage to find plenty of time to date. Then… then, you have the rest of us.
We don’t date. We dig a hole and nestle in for the season, telling ourselves we’ll have time to date later on in life, spend what little time we have picking up one-nighters to get our fix or we remain the hopeless romantics we aren’t always brave enough to admit we are. Then we do our best not to focus on how miserable it sometimes can be.
I’ve managed to go through all these phases multiple times over — it gets incredibly tiring after a while. After realizing what I was doing, I took a step back and took time to figure out exactly what I wanted and how, exactly, I wanted to get it.
The key is efficiency. You want to spend as little time doing the things you need to do in order to get the results you wish to get. Don’t get me wrong, one day you’ll be proud of your struggle and your success story.
As far as success goes, you’re going to struggle regardless. You’re just going to struggle and suffer for a shorter amount of time. And if you’re a sadist, you can spend all that extra time you have focused on achieving greater things and struggling to your heart’s desire.
Efficiency is key to living life to the maximum. All the things we want in life — including a partner — are goals.
It’s all really just basic logic once you get down to it. Most people who date end up dating the wrong people. It’s not because they don’t know the people they’re dating aren’t right for them; it’s because people are too afraid to admit that to themselves.
We don’t like being alone and will often choose a subpar partner in order to avoid it. It’s true; you may end up alone; it’s always a possibility. Thankfully, you can do a few things to avoid ending up unhappily married, like being honest enough to admit when a person isn’t right for you.
If you don’t feel that person is the one, move on. Be efficient and don’t waste your time. Pay attention to the types of individuals you date. Remember what you learned you liked and what you learned you didn’t appreciate. The first step to finding the one is understanding what you’re looking for.
As time goes on, you’ll likely date fewer and fewer people. If you aren’t dating fewer and fewer people as the months go by, you aren’t learning — you aren’t efficient.
No one gets anything right the first time around. You test. You fail. You learn. You remember. You do your best not to repeat those failures.
The goal is to narrow down your search by personality types. You may want to write down your findings as if it were a science project.
It may sound funny to you, but did you notice how science projects eventually get you your desired results? Well, let’s focus on getting that desired result: an ideal match.
If you date efficiently, you’ll never worry about not having enough time to date. You may not date often, but that’s only because you haven’t met someone worthy of your time. Finding the right person relies heavily on chance — there’s nothing you can do to change that. C’est la vie.
Most people date as if it were a sport or hobby. For many people, I’m certain it literally is. Once you realize you’re low on potential candidates, you begin to plan an efficient means of increasing your chances of finding someone compatible.
You may not have many guarantees in life, but you sure as hell can do your best to increase your chances. You can both pursue your passions and find and create a great life with the love of your life.
You may not have it all. But you’re not asking for it all. You’re asking for just the right amount.